If Danger Was My Middle Name

Sometimes I don’t look someone up on facebook because I’m afraid they will somehow know. But I really want to. We all have to creep every once in a while. Ya dig?

That feeling of despair at the end of the semester when you feel like there is no way you will get everything done. Yep, that is settling in.

It is official, I have sign up, registered, and payed for my very first half marathon. It’s actually the first race I’ve ever signed up for and it feels glorious. I haven’t even officially signed up for the 5k and 10k I plan to do this summer as part of my training program, but I just had to get that big one out of the way. Now, I am at peace and ready to run.

Why do I want to run a half marathon (that’s 13.1 miles for those who were wondering)? The answer is simply because I never thought I could. I am not naturally athletic by any means. In middle and high school I used to despise physical activity. Running down the block was extremely difficult. But, I always loved walks, found them very peaceful, and I would always say to myself that if I were just a better runner I know I would love it (doesn’t everyone say this? How much we would love something if it were just easier). A single mile in my mind was an impossible distance. Never, I thought, just never.

Until last summer, that is. Two of my close friends had taken the plunge and trained and run the half marathon distance. One of them is really athletic, so it wasn’t a surprise, but one of them wasn’t. In fact, she is a lot like me. Just way more motivated. Also, I was just bouncing back from breaking my foot and I was anxious to move my legs again. After school got out last year I made a goal for myself. If they can do it, so can I. I wasn’t going to go for the half marathon right away, but I set the goal of doing a 5k by the end of the summer (3 miles). I even found a great program, the Couch to 5k Plan, which was geared towards lazy people like me.

And it was bad. So bad. I huffed and puffed. I got sweaty. I cursed those streets that caused me so much pain. I quit. I started again. I procrastinated on workouts. I ditched my training plan and tried a new one. I quit again. I started again. I was unmotivated. I hated it more than I love it. There were more bad days than good ones. I kept waiting for it to get easier and it never did. I said, “I can’t.” I did not reach my goal of running a 5k that summer. I barely worked up to running one mile.

Needless to say, I completely ditched my efforts at the end of the summer when school started again and I made all sorts of excuses. I’m too busy. I’m just not a natural runner. I can do some other sport. I can’t. I can’t. I can’t.

And then this spring hit. Bold and beautiful with an endless stretch of unheard of 80 degree days at the beginning of March. And something I can’t explain came over me. I just wanted to go outside and run. I dusted of my old Couch to 5k plan and got to work.

And I can genuinely say that I have loved every minute of it. It is hard, yes, but I have a whole new outlook on it. Instead of feeling the pain, I just feel alive. I don’t listen to music, I just take time to think. I pray. I surrender every step to the God that gave me this ability. I breathe the fresh air and love gentle breezes. I became comfortable with being uncomfortable. I learned to relax and enjoy and accept the ache in my legs as a sign that this will get easier. As the weeks went by I started to feel my legs becoming more and more solid, as my muscles build, and it reminds me of how strong I am. And I realized that I was just tired of saying, “I can’t.” More tired than the longest run could ever make me. No one was stopping me but myself. I no longer wanted to limit myself by what I thought I couldn’t do. I refuse to go through life doubting myself and avoiding things that make me uncomfortable. I am stronger than I believe.

I think the day I ran two miles with incredible ease was the day I remembered that old half marathon. That crazy dream that I had stored in the back of my brain collecting cobwebs. If only I could. Maybe I could. Wait a minute. I can. 

I started researching training programs and found one I liked. I met the 5k distance and am now regularly running 3 miles. I started telling people, very slowly, presenting it as more of an idea than something more concrete. I kept waiting for someone to say, “you can’t,” but was pleasantly surprise when everyone I told said, “you can.” It’s funny how people tend to believe in you more than you believe in yourself. The most important person I told was my mother, who I honestly thought would be the most doubtful. Her response: that’s wonderful and then she went of to inspect my shoes to make sure they were worthy of the job (she’s very into feet and proper footwear). She encouraged me to look into the idea of minimalist running, so I ordered a new pair of Vibram 5-Finger shoes to incorporate into my training. They are bright pink and orange. What can I say, I’m making a statement.

So, the moral of the story is, I should be freaking out, but I’m not. I’m perfectly calm and so very excited. It is so encouraging that everyone who knows and loves me is in my corner, cheering and rooting me on. I will meet this goal. I will run these streets. I will do it by the grace of God and with a smile on my face. I can. I can. I can.

I’ve been thinking a lot about weddings lately, because, let’s face it, they’re everywhere. I’m going to weddings. My friends are going to weddings and they tell me about it. The people whose blogs I read are going to weddings and posting pictures. I hear rumors of people I went to high school with getting engaged. I see weddings on facebook. People have their whole weddings planned out in pictures on pinterest, even if they’re not even dating anyone. I see beautiful dresses and table decor all over reality television. People are just obsessed with weddings.

And, honestly, I’m starting to get a little sick of it.

Weddings have always been a big deal in practically every culture in the world. But I think in our culture, with the addition of the internet and reality television, the deal has become huge. And somewhere along the way I think many girls get so wrapped up in the fantasy of big dresses and cakes and flowers that they forget what the day is for and what it truly means to commit your life to someone.

Because to a lot of people, a wedding represents status. Look at me and how much someone loves me. I am valued. I am worth something. I am chosen. Don’t worry, mom, I won’t end up alone. Look at my ring. Look at how shiny and big it is. Look at me and how beautiful I am. Look at my hair. My makeup. My dress. I’m the center of attention. Look at me and what good taste I have. I worked so hard choosing the perfect food. The perfect cake. The perfect decorations. Do you like it? Isn’t my life wonderful and glamourous? Are you envious?

And they get so caught up in this day, dreaming and scheming their whole lives. When they are little girls people tell them that, “one day you will meet your prince charming and one day you will marry him.” What will I wear that day? Who will be with me on that day? I hope it doesn’t rain on that day. I hope I have good skin and hair that day.And we think and plan and stress and get so anxious that we forget what our weddings really are.

A day.

One day. Out of our entire lives. Over in a flash. One day where we simply get up in front of our friends and family and commit to love this one person for the rest of our days. And at the end of the day, you are stuck with them. Forever. Could you imagine what life would be like if we treated everyday as special as our wedding day?

I don’t agree with people when they say that your wedding day is the most important day of your life. Perhaps it’s your engagement day, when you proclaim to the world with a shiny piece of jewelry that you have decided to commit yourself to someone. Perhaps not. Perhaps it’s the day you quietly say to yourself that he is the one, telling no one, and going about the rest of what appears to be a normal day. Perhaps it is the day your children are born which, according to my mother, completely changed what she thought love was. Perhaps its the day you meet some sort of goal. Graduate high school. Graduate college. Run a marathon. See the Eiffel Tower. Make a big, life-changing decision. Maybe, just maybe, those days are just as important, if not more important. And we don’t give them any credit. 

I am not married. I am not dating anyone. I am not even that interested in anyone at this point. I am young and will be the first to admit that I have no idea what kind of hard work and dedication goes into a long and healthy marriage, but I have a challenge for all the girls out there:

Stop dreaming about your wedding. Stop buying into the glitz and glamour of reality tv. It will be here and done before you know it. Instead, start thinking about the type of person you could truly and 100% hand your life over too. The type of person who you would allow to parent your children. The type of person you could make the tough decisions with. They type of person you can respect. The type of person who has flaws that you still love and accept. The type of person that is so amazing you will still love them when they start to lose their hair and gain weight and wrinkles. The type of person you aren’t afraid to get mad at sometimes. The type of person you could choose to continue loving even when its hard to. 

Just calm down. And think about it. You have a whole life surrounding that one day. Use it wisely. 

It has been an amazingly peaceful day here at home, with only myself to keep me company. I woke up kind of late (8:30 is late for me :/) and drank about 3 huge glasses of water before I went out and continued to kick the pants off of the Couch to 5K running plan. Week four and still going strong, though next week will be a real challenge. Wish me luck! I’m actually beginning to really enjoy running, though this beautiful weather has helped tremendously. 

After, I went to the grocery and got some ingredients to cook a few things today. I started at lunch by making Sweet and Spicy Asian Snap Peas. So delicious, and the smell was amazing. The kitchen definitely had the lingering scent of soy sauce and sugar for a few hours after. I hope to make Apple Cider Brussels Sprouts in a little bit before I head out to Youth Group. Sounds disgusting, and I know Brussels have quite a bit of a bad reputation, but I tried this recipe last summer and loved it! The apple compliments them nicely and makes them almost sweet instead of bitter. So good!

I spent the early afternoon sitting on the couch in our backyard gazebo, cuddled with a blanket to shield me from the kind of chilly, though very refreshing spring breeze. I’m working on finishing up the current book I’m reading, The Devil in the White City by Erik Larson, which I would highly recommend to anyone. The book is creative nonfiction, so everything in it really happened, and I swear, all history should be taught like this. Larson describes the construction of the Chicago World Fair in the late 1800s, while also telling the story of a famous serial killer at large during the fair. The contrast between the stories is really incredible, one beautiful and majestic, one extremely horrific, all happening at the same time in the same city. It is so fun to read about major historical figures from that time and how their paths crossed on their visits to the fair.

I think the part I found most interesting in the whole book was the descriptions of the first ever Ferris Wheel. The Ferris Wheel in today’s day and age has become just a lame carnival ride, but the first one ever, unveiled at the Chicago World Fair, was an absolutely incredible leap forward in engineering. The design originally came about because the fair architects were looking for a structure that could compete with the Eiffel Tower built during the Paris World Fair a few years earlier. They had to “out-Eiffel Eiffel” as they said. Many designs were considered and rejected until they finally settled on a man named Ferris and his outlandish idea of a great, moving wheel. Once built, the first Ferris Wheel was over 250 feet tall and could hold over 2,000 passengers, which is much bigger than our standard “lame” carnival ride.

So, there is your history lesson for the day. Sorry, I couldn’t resist sharing, I just think it is so cool! Hope your days were wonderful!  

Here in our little corner of the world in Madison, WI, we have gotten quite an extended taste of summer these last few days. I have to keep reminding myself that I still have a month and a half of school left and that the lazy days of heat and sun are not here just yet. I do hope this weather last, though :) Over these last few days, I think I have recognized possibly my favorite thing about the summer season and that is sleeping. I know, you are probably thinking, “Typical, a college student who likes to sleep,” or, “Of all the great things about summer you choose sleep?” Let me explain.

One of my favorite authors, a very wise woman in my humble opinion, described it best. She called it, “sleeping hard.” I’m not talking about simply sleeping. I’m talking about that - oh my gosh, I’m so exhausted from running around, sitting in the sun, hiking, biking, jogging, boating, laughing, eating, sports playing, leisurely reading, cloud gazing, Devil’s Lake climbing, marshmallow roasting - sleep. There is nothing quite like being in the height of summer and crashing into your bed at the end of the day just feeling so satisfied with whatever fun you may have just had.

Yesterday, some friends and I got together to play some Ultimate Frisbee. We ran and we sweat and we had a great time. For a few hours. And I had already been out and about all day doing what-nots and such. And then we went to my house and had a nice bon fire. There was great conversation, music playing, and star gazing. And it was perfect. The perfect day. And then, when everyone left, I realized how sweaty and smokey I was, so I hopped in the cold shower and went into my bed. And slept. Hard. With my aching muscles, sun burned skin, and damp hair, I passed out in about a minute. It was fantastic. And I just love that feeling. Oh, that summer feeling. :)